Wednesday, October 18, 2006

...the magician...

He yields his cards -
knives to my power of Reason.
Death-knell shuffle:
opportunities to explode my preconceived ideas.
Fluidity and speed:
by one.
a flutter of the deck before my eyes.
i saw them all.
undeniably so.
choosing only one.
I held it aloft in visu.

Packing the deck
tight like a noose:
then fanning them out,
the executioner's skill.
just one.
((the wrong one)).
Yet... He gestured that I look again.
in mine own hands
I watched the card turn its masks around.
He took my eyes and kissed their ignorant bliss.
He showed me behind the matrix.
The wrong card and the right card
are figments of the imagination.
No. no longer a Jack of Spades.
A Six of Hearts it had become.

Some girls want diamonds.
Some girls want flowers.
Some girls want six hearts nailed to six crosses.

All I want is my magician.
He has no heart to give to me.
He cannot be nailed down to the cross that I bear.

Reason tells me:
even He is like the Jack of Spades.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

2 days - 2 days

the hen's night passed without much injury nor debauchery.
body shots off half-naked barmen are not included in the above claim.
the dresses are ready.
the guests are arriving in droves.
Flowers, confetti, the little things.
The weather report is peachy.
And in 2 days I will have a big sister.

- my ringo site is getting there - no more photos on the blog - the era has passed -

catch ya next week - I'm on my way to a wedding...

Friday, October 06, 2006

The Universe uses Postnet

for some reason my blog bombed out - i've had to republish it and i've lost all my links. If you were linked on this site then can you post me a comment with your url please?

8 days til the wedding!
I found Lee again. But of course.
And I've discovered Vanilla flavoured water.
Life as such, keeps bringing new delightful meanings to light.
I'm in the process of setting up a Ringo page. To add me as a friend you have to search for my me via email ( There are some old photos up there and I'll eventually get there. Patience!


Sunday, October 01, 2006

the politics of fear & "gee i like to think of dead"

I just sat down and wrote something so overwhelmingly sad that I brought myself to tears.
This is why I'm so afraid of writing on this blog anymore.
Because I cannot hide from what's really going on inside.

It's my year and 2 weeks since failed suicide 'anniversary'.
I still don't really see the point.
Yes - there's love and friendship and all of that.
It matters so much. It matters, perhaps too much?
And I'm so scared that everything I love will break.
How cliched is that sentiment.
Oh well.
How else can it be said...
These are the politics of fear governing my mind.

"Look up, and you see things flying
Between the day and the night;
Swallows with spools of dark thread sewing the shadows together.

A circle swoop, and a quick parabola under the bridge arches
Where light pushes through;
A sudden turning upon itself of a thing in the air.
A dip to the water.

And you think:
"The swallows are flying so late!"


Dark air-life looping
Yet missing the pure loop ...
A twitch, a twitter, an elastic shudder in flight
And serrated wings against the sky,
Like a glove, a black glove thrown up at the light,
And falling back.

Never swallows!
The swallows are gone"

from - Bat, by D.H. Lawrence.

I can find no better way to convey this sense that the sweeping grace of the swallows are gone.
Is it time to fly for a while in the night again?
Time to throw this black glove into the air in defiance of the misery and wait to see if I have wings or if I fall.
Like a challenge to a duel in a Shakespearean Tragedy.
Laura vs. Gravity

gee i like to think of dead...

gee i like to think of dead it means nearer because deeper firmer
since darker than little round water at one end of the well it's
too cool to be crooked and it's too firm to be hard but it's sharp
and thick and it loves, every old thing falls in rosebugs and
jackknives and kittens and pennies they all sit there looking at
each other having the fastest time because they've never met before

dead's more even than how many ways of sitting on your head your
unnatural hair has in the morning

dead's clever too like POF goes the alarm off and the little striker
having the best time tickling away everybody's brain so everybody
just puts out their finger and they stuff the poor thing all full
of fingers

dead has a smile like the nicest man you've never met who maybe winks
at you in a streetcar and you pretend you don't but really you do
see and you are My how glad he winked and hope he'll do it again

or if it talks about you somewhere behind your back it makes your neck
feel pleasant and stoopid and if dead says may i have this one and
was never introduced you say Yes because you know you want it to dance
with you and it wants to and it can dance and Whocares

dead's fine like hands do you see that water flowerpots in windows but
they live higher in their house than you so that's all you see but you
don't want to

dead's happy like the way underclothes All so differently solemn and
inti and sitting on one string

dead never says my dear,Time for your musiclesson and you like music and
to have somebody play who can but you know you never can and why have to?

dead's nice like a dance where you danced simple hours and you take all
your prickly-clothes off and squeeze-into-largeness without one word and
you lie still as anything in largeness and this largeness begins to give
you,the dance all over again and you,feel all again all over the way men
you liked made you feel when they touched you(but that's not all)because
largeness tells you so you can feel what you made,men feel when,you touched,

dead's sorry like a thistlefluff-thing which goes landing away all by
himself on somebody's roof or something where who-ever-heard-of-growing
and nobody expects you to anyway

dead says come with me he says(andwhyevernot)into the round well and
see the kitten and the penny and the jackknife and the rosebug
and you
say Sure you say (like that) sure i'll come with you you say for i
like kittens i do and jackknives i do and pennies i do and rosebugs i do

e.e. cummings

I wish I didn't love these poems.
But I do.

in a middle of a room...

in a middle of a room
stands a suicide
sniffing a Paper rose
smiling to a self

"somewhere it is Spring and sometimes
people are in real:imagine
somewhere real flowers,but
I can't imagine real flowers for if I

could,they would somehow
not Be real"
(so he smiles
smiling)"but I will not

everywhere be real to
you in a moment"
The is blond
with small hands

"& everything is easier
than I had guessed everything would
be;even remembering the way who
looked at whom first,anyhow dancing"

(a moon swims out of a cloud
a clock strikes midnight
a finger pulls a trigger
a bird flies into a mirror)

e.e. cummings

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

in south africa and "hug a vegetarian day"

its been a ridiculously long time. sorry for the overwhelming slackness...
i'm in cape town now!

its sunny and gorgeous outside and i'm staying in Nick's house where the pool is calling my name flirtatiously.
so i'll be quite vague and brief.

I left london on 9/11. the airport was quite quiet... humph. But it still took me 3 hours to get checked in and through security. i was quite glad to see Heathrow disappearing behind the plane.
my last week in london saw me frantically trying to stuff in galleries, museums, parks etc etc. I feel like I had a successful time ticking off the names of artists, famous places and so forth. I think I left london feeling like i had conquered the cultural offerings of the city.
what made my time worthwhile was being with people i love - so Rachel, Mieke and Ross made a place like London (me pulling a lemon face) a good place to visit.

Now then. whirlwind arrial in south africa - went straight to the farm and its looking so amazing. It was wonderful to be iwth my family again and getting very excited about the imminent wedding.
I had my first dress fitting and the design is really great. I'm a bit of tricky bridesmaid to have because of the tattoos and especially since now i have half a sleeve finished... All of Erica's plans and designs are so pretty - and I must admit, all this wedding stuff is quite cool. Not long now...

I have spent the last 12 days in Johannesburg with Mike. Mike took me away for a few days which was really relaxing, even though the small town we were in got to us after the 3rd night of eating the same pizza (without cheese) from the only decent restaurant we could find. Its been 5 years since I really visited the city and its changed a great deal. I saw all the houses I used to live in and caught up wih school friends. I got to stay with Oliver and Candy and look forward to being back up there in October again.

So - now I'm in the beautiful Cape and I'll be staying with Nick mainly - they have a spare room available so I'm a lucky lucky girl.

basically - I'm well and happy and want to be outside in the sun.
i do have lots of philosophical things to say - but that can wait...
xx lau

International 'Hug a Vegetarian' Day Friday September 29
From PETA: No matter what your diet may be, you have to admit that vegetarians are pretty darn huggable, and with more than 20 million vegetarians in the world, chances are pretty good that everyone knows a few. On September 29, we're going to set up the largest worldwide group hug of vegetarians ever-and we need your help to make it happen!

Whether you've been vegetarian since birth or you still eat meat, mark your calendar for Friday, September 29, to hug your vegetarian boyfriend, girlfriend, roommate, brother, or sister, then sign up to tell us who you're going to embrace on "Hug a Vegetarian" Day. We're going for a world record here, people, so be sure to hug every last vegetarian you can find!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

la vida london

i haven't been too good at blogging so I'm just gonna post my last 2 group emails. finally got my photos burnt to disk but this net cafe don't have cd thingymajigs, so I'll try upload some next week. xxlau
25th August
What's been happening in the UK?
Devon was so awesome - one day at the beach was an absolute pearl and i even got rosy cheeks in the sunshine :). Antique shops, wanderinga round beautiful cobbled-street villages and peeking into gorgeous book stores, candy shops etc etc... Quaint is the New Black - it's totally 'In'.... Compared to the consumerist madness of Oxford Street and other places in London which just make me feel quite ill.
I caught a cold (or rather a cold caught me) - blugh. not fun. Having a sniffly cold and a nose ring is a general combination for disasters... The things I do to be cool - ha ha... whatever aye...
But dragged myself out to a Connan and the Mockasins gig on saturday where I saw their new video for 'uuu its teasy' - which won a little competition that night and is going to be on MTV. Cool hey? It was really good to see and hear Ross play again. Wicked hey???
On sunday I found one of my favourite places in London: the Columbia Flower market. It was exquisite. Stall upon stall overflowing with exotic, bright, luscious flowers and trees... Ah. So inspiring for my soul. Went to the Tate Modern and some other galleries - very cool.
Monday? Oh yes - the Marvellous, Magical Mieke came to visit me from Southampton. She stayed with me for 2 days and we've been having such a great time. Man - I've missed her so much, but I'm so grateful for friendships that rock the world no matter how long we've been apart.
We spent the day with Ross yesterday cuz it was his birfday and it was lots and lots of fun. I punched him for you Nat and told him to go to hell Geoff ;)
Now I'm in southhampton with Mieke (may I just interject at this point to marvel at public transport and how easy it is to get around...) and I'll be travelling with her until end of next week.
Going to Isle of Wight, Bath, Stratford on Avon and somewhere else I can't remember. Tour of England continues. yay for Shakepspeare.
My sad news is.... no radiohead.... its true. bummer. yeah. i'm really feeling the sorrow.

have many many photos just haven't downloaded any. Sorry caz and other people requesting visuals - it will happen eventually.
k- love from hungry-rumbling-tummy-wants-dinner lau

Ok - its friday now, I wrote that on wednesday but didn't get to send it.
I'm in the southhampton art gallery with free internet - yay - suppose I should also look at some art while I'm here.
Meeks and I went out into the country yesterday and looked at castles and abbeys and forests. The area is called New Forest and it was full of trees - gasp! Yes!!! Lots and lots and lots of Trees! I was obviously very very happy there. I bought heaps of postcards of these amazing trees, so expect some treeness arriving in mailboxes...
Off to london in a few hours.
Who knows when we shall meet again???

:) Lulu

1st September

this is going to be another hastily composed mail. bad spelling to make it authentic ;)

well - i got back to london yesterday after a whirlwind tour of the isle of wight, stratford on avon & bath.
Went away with the gorgeous Mieke and we had many giggles, lots of fun putting on BroTown accents, and some good girlie chats (as one does...)

Isle of Wight
After a beautiful ferry trip, we landed on this gorgeous little island south of Britain. apparently the population here is 60% above 60+ years (and, its true, i just googled it). so its a lovely, quaint little place with lost of clucking on ladies. We were staying in an amazing camping ground right by the sea - the sound of teh ocean was really good for my spirit. I had a good smile at the warning signs along the roads for "ELDERY" which depicted a tiny old man and his tiny old wife bent over walking sticks - how unPC yet adorable... I imagined gangs of old folks terrorising the villages... Don't think that's why the signs are there tho. The highlight of this tris was the 8 mile walk mieke and i did along the cliff edge - this path is on average about 2 metres from the edge and follows the contours and hills of beautful white stone dropping into the dark waters. It was absolutely breathtaking... Other good stuff included drinking cherry wine, exploring the cobbled villages and chatting to the dangerous species of dithering elderies on the buses (they are very friendly even though the signs tell me to be cautious of them...)

Stratford on Avon
I would have liked to spend a few days here - it was really cool. The Courtyard Theatre of the Royal Shapespeare Comapny has just been reopened and it is stunning. A stage unlike anything I've ever seen before. We saw Henry VI, Part III - and I had chills the entire performance. It was incredible - aerial scenes on ropes, the sound, the blood and the fighting scenes- wowsers. I'm really envious that English people have access to this level of theatre - but can't complain, lucky them. I'd see myself making many trips to stratford if I lived here. Other highlights included eating mulberries in Shakespeare's house garden, wandering along the avon river, and negotiating the skanky showers of the youth hostel (it was tricksy!!!)

Now - bath is quite magnificent architecturally. We had a very short time here, sadly. But I managed to see the Abbey, the river and its famous bridge, the Roman baths, and surprisingly a Rembrandt exhibition (awesome!!!!). Oh. And drink hemp beer and eat in a gourmet veggie restaurant. yum... Hemp beer... mmmm....

So now I'm back in london - leaving in 10 days.
Went to the Victoria and Albert Museum today, explored soho and now I'm in Notting Hill.
Busy busy busy me.
The Datsuns are playing tonight (for my fellow kiwis)
and I missed the Springbok Nude Girls last night - doing an acoustic set. Oh my gOsh - I only found out today and I almost cried. The last time I saw Arno & the Boys was in Cape Town maybe 4 years ago - playing at Cool Runnings in Obs. Happy memories with Mark - it would have been so amazing to see them - I'm so gutted... At least I saw Arno playing earlier this year - so many good memeories of my beautiful friends back home go along with this band....
oh well.... I'm having bum luck with bands on this trip.

What's up until I leave - who knows. OD'ing on galleries, visiting Mieke in Southhampton again and whatever London throws my way....

oh oh - times running out.
much love to you all....

Thursday, August 17, 2006

delightful devon

wow. i don't wanna leave here on friday!
the english country is really wonderful & i've been surprised at how attached I feel to it. London is funky and all that jazz - but it is just another city. And I was so refreshed to step into the country atmosphere and feel Devon alight upon my senses.
I'm staying in Brampford Speke, a little village, with Rachel's family and a happyhappy little labrador (awesome!). My friends will know that I tend to adopt other people's pets very quickly because I miss having animals... Their stunning home has a conservatory overlooking a sprawling garden orchard (complete with tennis court and giant trampoline...). So I can pick apples off the tree and eat them whilst doing amateur backflips - this is a tricksy manoeuvre i tell you! I feel like I landed in a perfect country getaway and I'm feeling thoroughly spoilt.

My time herehas been spent mainly outdoors, which of course is how I wish my life was permanently. We went walking on public paths through neighbouring farms in the hills. I really enjoyed this - I think that the right to roam land in England is a really great thing. The beauty of the land here is a very tranquil, soft aesthetic... I remember being stunned by the views in Austria and Tuscany and there is a similar patchwork quilt of yellows, greens and browns, dotted with sheepies. Your eye can dote upon the rural horizon very happily here for many hours as you wander the fields. Devon countryside gets many gold stars from me.

Along with being a potential pet-thief, my habit of picking fruit off trees and eating it red-handed has been ignited again. Brambles grow in abundance here and you can punctuate the country walks very nicely with berry feasting every few metres. Of course the walk takes a few hours longer and you end up with juicy red lips, but lally loves berries ;)
I've also been tucking in to public orchards in the village squares - there are little boxes where you can leave a donation. And so I have been sampling England's apple varieties very enthusiastically. Unfortunately - the apples aren't quite at their peak, and so I've had a few dodgy experiences with lemons masquerading as apples. But that's ok - there is nothing nothing nothing that beats fruit straight off a tree. Maybe I will become a fruitarian one day... (ha. whatever.)

Today we went into the Moorland, and wowsers what an experience. Wuthering Heights apparently got it right. What a setting for romance and drama... I'm sure the Ley lines and ancient spiritual histories in this area has much to do with the immense power of the land.
In New Zealand the gorse is a despised prickly weed - but once I saw the rolling Moor hills strewn with the sunny yellow flowers & interspersed with purple Heather, I could appreciate its prettiness in rightful context. I really like Heather - its is so delicate and hardy at the same time. Being able to see my my namesake in its natural environment gave me a new fondness for my middle name. I was really blown away by how starkly desolate the Moors are, and yet they are still so "nice". Very very different to Africa in so many ways; I'm finding the sights here so unusual to my norm. Everything is so green and civilised. Does that make sense? I feel very at peace here - unlike how Africa makes me feel invigorated with its wildness and sharp red tones. I've been thinking about ancestry, culture, belonging and where I fit into this world. I really want to visit Scotland one day and find out more about where my roots are in Europe, which is not something I ever felt was too important in the past and I was more than content to be a South African full-stop.

To counterbalance all this tree-hugging,country-wondering, spiritual-questioning stuff I'm doing, I have discovered tacky American TV shows. So - who has ever watched either 'Date My Mom' or 'Room Raiders'?
You get an extra 10 points if you've seen both!
My goodness - these shows are awesome in their sheer absurdity. I've been crashing out on the couch after long days of loving nature and devouring how terrible TV can be. These shows are about finding a date by taking out their mothers or sneaking around their rooms. You then have to choose your date based on how cool you think their mom is or if you didn't find anything too incriminating in their bedrooms. How ridiculous. It's so fantastic how people on these shows actually take themselves seriously. Its my dose of inane pop culture and I admit to becoming a bad TV junkie.

OK - that's my little update for now.
life is good. my theme song: "moving to the country gonna eat me alot of peaches".
rock on.